An archive of columns that appeared in TD Now!

Ask the Rabbi is a regular feature in TD Now! Please Click Here or ask the Rabbi at a Friday night oneg.

2022 September

What is the future of Reform Judaism?

Response: Allow me to set the scene: I had come downstairs for a five-minute breakfast with a Jewish group I knew tangentially. While surveying the breakfast offerings, I recognized that this was a “standing on one foot” question/answer. I first asked that he clarify the question. Immediately this I knew: he wasn’t looking for a definitive answer based on the nature of the question, the amount of time given to respond or how well we knew each other.

Let me note that I relish this type of dialogue, given interest, trust and time. However, my answer was necessarily limited: affiliation is declining– not just within Reform Judaism let alone within Judaism overall. Creativity is increasing. Some Jews are looking for more structure which is why Orthodox Judaism is growing. We have work to do. And then my five minutes were up.

2022 August

Why don’t Reform Jews do Pidyon HaBen?

Response: This ceremony, translated as “redemption of the first born,” goes back to the last plague in Egypt which was the killing of the first born–both humans and animals–in order to get Pharoah to finally let our people go. When our ancestors painted their doorposts with the blood of a lamb, the angel of death passed over and our first born were not affected.

Later in the Torah, it became a commandment to redeem the first-born male from tabernacle (and later Temple) service since that would be the role of the Levites–meaning all males born into the tribe of Levi. The brief ceremony occurs on the 30th day after birth and involves giving 5 silver coins to a Kohein (priest) for the redemption–which are then donated to tzedakah.

Because the Temple no longer stands, and we do not pray for it to again stand due to the hierarchy and lack of place for women, let alone animal sacrifices, most Reform Jews do not engage in this ritual.

2022 July

How do I go about finding burial shrouds?

Response: The funeral home which will handle the arrangements can take care of this for you but rather than have to take care of these things upon death, preplanning is a loving way to help your family be able to grieve.

I invite you to add to your calendar this two-part series:

What Happens After I Die in Heaven and on Earth?

October 20 and 27 at 7:30 PM

The first session will focus on beliefs and the second on practicalities including: What is a green Jewish funeral? Can I and my non-Jewish spouse be buried together? What does Judaism say about cremation? All questions will be welcome.

2022 June

(Quoted from a recent e-mail)

I’m confused. If I’ve asked that someone be on the Mi Shebeirach List, how (why) are they removed if I’ve not indicated them to be? (Second time I’ve experienced this.) What am I missing?

Response: Please forgive me for the pain this caused you. There have been challenges with this over the years as sometimes people ask for a name to be on the Mi Shebeirach List and then never remove the name even when the person has recovered, or sadly, when they didn’t survive the illness. Those requests often come from people who do not attend worship services so they don’t realize the name is still on the list.

We used to only put the name of a non-member on for a week unless re-requested, though of course anyone can say a name aloud. While this might be more information than you wanted, I write it because I am sorry for the hurt it caused and the lack of public prayer. Please send me the name/s again and also suggest ways we can improve this.

I will lastly say that I believe the most powerful prayer for healing is when a name is said not by me but by the loved one but I understand that Zoom makes that difficult.

2022 May

(This month, from her college roommate)

We are in Jerusalem; do you have a suggestion for a good restaurant?

Response: Of course I do! Tzidkiyahu! When you purchase a shish kebab, it comes with endless fresh pita and a constantly refilled variety of Israeli salads. Many birthday celebrations occur, and the singing is rousing.

Maybe we’ll go together…I’m currently working on a collaboration with another synagogue to go together in summer 2023. Next year at Tzidkiyahu?

2022 April

This Month—Ask the Student
(on the Fundamentals of Judaism Exam in March)

Tell a story about Moses from the Torah and why it is meaningful.

 Response: Our student answered: “When Moses lifted his hands and God split the sea, it showed the bond between Moses and God and how God wanted us to make it to the Promised Land.”

2022 March

Asked by a first-year student at St. Joseph High School: You said that the reason I & II Maccabees which tells the Chanukah story was not included in the Hebrew Bible was because it was already codified. Does that mean that everything else that came before was included? Does that mean that if the stories about Jesus happened earlier, they would have been included?

Response: Great question! No; texts that were written but did not make it into the canon were apocryphal. Per Encyclopedia Britannica: “apocrypha, (from Greek apokryptein, “to hide away”), in biblical literature, works outside an accepted canon of scripture. The history of the term’s usage indicates that it referred to a body of esoteric writings that were at first prized, later tolerated, and finally excluded. In its broadest sense apocrypha has come to mean any writings of dubious authority.”

If one believes in the human redaction of the Hebrew Bible, which I do, then it makes sense that there is an editing process. Not every text of a certain time period will be included, only those that support the overall theology.

2022 February

Why do we only wear a tallit in the morning?

Response: Per Numbers 15:37-41: “Adonai said to Moses as follows: Speak to the Israelite people and instruct them to make for themselves fringes on the corners of their garments throughout the ages; let them attach a cord of blue to the fringe at each corner. That shall be your fringe; look at it and recall all the commandments of Adonai and observe them, so that you do not follow your heart and eyes in your lustful urge. Thus you shall be reminded to observe all My commandments and to be holy to your God.”

In the Mishnah, wearing fringes was connected to the discussion of when one should say the morning Sh’ma. It was interpreted to mean that one should wear the separate tallit only once one could differentiate between the cord of blue and the others which meant only wearing it in the morning. The only exceptions are for Yom Kippur on which it is worn both night and day, and for prayer leaders whatever time of day.

2022 January

Why was Chanukah so early this year and Purim and Passover so late?

Response: It is a leap year! That means that we add an entire month, not creatively titled, called Adar II that pushes the Spring holidays later so that the Jewish lunar calendar, which is tied to harvests, stays within a small range of the solar calendar. That means that we have extra time to prepare for Purim and Passover! This happens in a cycle 7 times out of every 19 years.

2021 December

From Serra Catholic High School Seniors: Why don’t you believe that the Messiah has come?

Preamble: My answer is not nearly as interesting as their response.

Response: While it is hard to answer a “why” question especially about faith, in terms too simple; we look around the world and see war and hunger and disease and know that the Messiah has not yet come. That being said, while you believe that the Messiah has come, since “Christ” means “Anointed One,” yet you too are waiting for Jesus’ Second Coming, correct?

A few days later, their teacher Tim Crossen wrote this to me:

“They can’t wrap their minds around the fact that in waiting for the Second Coming (which we mention at every Mass, but don’t really think or talk about too often) they are actually waiting for the Messiah.”

I note that that is the beauty of this program in which rabbis come into Catholic Schools and, in this case, 70 Serra Seniors came to Temple David on a field trip. When I have the opportunity to open up not only Judaism but an aspect of their own faith to them, I feel a deep sense of satisfaction.

2021 November

I was just thinking, since we put up a Covid plaque on the memorial yahrzeit board, why do we not have one for the Tree of Life victims?

Response: A good and important question, even more so at this time of year. For months before the first anniversary of the October 27, 2018 attack, a committee of approximately ten people worked together to determine how to memorialize the lives taken and the brokenness we all were feeling. They worked diligently and though having a yahrzeit plaque was one consideration, it was decided to create a stained-glass memorial based on a meaningful poem which is posted next to the memorial. The memorial is backlit thanks to the creativity of our framer and reflects many moods within. Many hands, from within the congregation and beyond, from our youngest religious school students to our eldest congregants, placed the pieces because the process was as important as the product. It is lit during services and at other special times.

The Covid-19 memorial plaque on our newest yahrzeit board was my idea which I brought forward to the Ritual Practices Committee who supported it. I felt that the pandemic and the hundreds of thousands of lives already lost and still being taken by this virus should be permanently marked. While I hoped to dedicate the plaque during the Yom Kippur Yizkor service, it had not yet arrived.

If there is a feeling that there should also be a plaque to honor the memory of the victims of the October 27 attack on our yahrzeit board, then the idea should be brought forward to the Ritual Practices Committee for consideration. Personally, I would be in favor of it.

2021 October

What do I do if someone calls me a “dirty Jew”? Yes, it happened in Monroeville in the late summer.

Response: First of all, please do not keep this to yourself. It is not good for your mental health and feelings of safety and security. Secondly, you should inform the police and report it to the Jewish Federation of Pittsburgh: https://is.gd/2zjnsB or contact the Director of Jewish Community Security Shawn Brokos directly at 412-992-5229 or sbrokos@jfedpgh.org. And last–though perhaps first or somewhere in the middle–please contact me whether you need to process your reaction and/or for me to accompany you to the authorities.

2021 September

I am harboring resentment against my fellow congregants who have not been vaccinated. What should I do?

Response: People feel very strongly about the Covid-19 vaccine and, as you know, I have been a strong proponent as I believe in the science behind it. That being said, I am not a medical professional and therefore my response comes from a different angle. Firstly, I suggest telling the people who you personally know how much you care about them and are worried for their health and well-being. Secondly, I suggest applying your energy to advocacy by joining with community organizations, elected officials, and others who are on the same side of this issue as you are and joining your voice with theirs.

2021 August

How should I prepare for the High Holy Days?

Response: Get your hands and eyes and soul on Mishkan HaNefesh, our new machzor, thanks to the generosity of Al DeRoy who donated them. We will have two study sessions during Elul so we can peruse it together, and you are also welcome to sign out copies for your own High Holy Day preparation.

Click Here  to learn more about these sessions.

2021 July

Follow-up to your response about cremation: I know a few people who are opting for cremation because it’s cheaper than “traditional” burial. What’s your reaction/response to that?

Response: Funerals are very expensive and can be a real financial burden, one that we don’t want to pass along to others, which again speaks to the emotional and financial need for pre-planning. That being said, it is a shame when financial concerns override our values. I always believe in starting with the facts: find out the cost of a funeral and the cost of the casket. The traditional plain pine casket is much less expensive than other options and funeral homes may charge different rates. Also, consider a green burial which is less expensive and more, well, green. Finally, consider pre-purchasing which will result in cost savings.

If you would like to have a private conversation with me about your personal situation, please contact me.


2021 June

Why do the times for Havdalah keep changing if the times for Erev Shabbat don’t?

Response: The question is a good one since both revolve around sundown and technically should change all year.

In order to help with attendance by not being confusing, we have been consistent in our Erev Shabbat (Shabbat evening) service times, with the exception being an earlier service focused on families with young children. However, because Havdalah marks the separation between light and darkness in an even more direct way, we specifically aim for sundown which through June is getting later and later and then will become earlier and earlier.


2021 May

Ask the RabbiWhat does Judaism say about cremation?

Response: Cremation is against Jewish law due to the belief that there should be a natural process of dust (from which Adam was created) to dust. There is also a discomfort for some given Hitler’s way of disposing of Jewish bodies.

That being said, as a movement that gives Jewish law a “vote but not a veto,” I will officiate at a funeral when there has been a cremation. However, with a strong belief in honoring the deceased and giving the mourners a sacred space to gather and remember, I do require that the ashes are interred in a mausoleum or in the ground during the funeral.

Now here’s my question to you: have you made your wishes known to your loved ones? Do you know what their wishes are? If I can be helpful with those difficult but important conversations, please be in touch. If we don’t know their wishes at the time of death, then the challenge of guessing increases the pain of mourning.


2021 April

Do Jews in China, Japan, etc. in the Far East face west or east when they pray?

Response: Great question! Jews around the world face Jerusalem, so in Japan, they face west, in South Africa, they face northeast, etc.

Even within Israel, they face toward Jerusalem, and within Jerusalem, they turn toward the Temple Mount/Western Wall.


2021 March

Answer the Rabbi: In Confirmation class, Rabbi Symons asked why some men would be married in the same outfit (a kittel) in which they are buried?

Response: With Elijah Sloan’s permission to paraphrase his exquisite answer, he said: Maybe because they are beginning their lives together and then will rest next to one another for eternity. Thank you, Elijah.


2021 February

Shalom! How does Orthodox Judaism view homosexual attractions (not unions)? I don’t make it obvious nor does anybody really know but I still feel guilty being attracted to the same sex.

Response: Thank you for your question. I am unable to authentically respond from an Orthodox perspective as I am a Reform Rabbi, but do know that increasingly the Orthodox community is being more welcoming. For example, see: https://is.gd/YZPTGY

In liberal Judaism, we do not view homosexuality as a sin so I see no reason for you to feel guilty. I do hope you can find a loving partner who loves you for all the traits of who you are.


2021 January

What is your take on the Supreme Court’s ruling regarding religious groups holding huge gatherings at religious occasions? Orthodox doctors are allowed to practice [on Shabbat] to save lives…so shouldn’t the same apply here? Not wearing a mask and not keeping social distancing promotes the virus to spread. Isn’t a life sacred?

Response: Yes! Life is sacred. Despite the Supreme Court’s decision, individual religious institutions can make their own decisions, and because nothing is more important in Judaism than saving a life, the choice by some of our fellow Jews to gather in close, unmasked crowds is something I cannot understand. The way I see it, if community is what is of the utmost import, then staying away should be the way to protect the community.

As frustrating for us as it is to keep away, we know that it is the right decision for the time being. The key for us is to creatively be a community–especially for those people unable to be online. Let us each do our part.


2020 December

At the end of the Mourner’s Kaddish, some people bow and turn from left to right. Why is this done? You take steps backward and forward before starting the T’filah. During the prayer, we bend our knees and bow. What is the significance of these movements?

Response: The image to have in mind is approaching God as the King of Kings. I like to be more gender-neutral in English but “Sovereign of Sovereigns” lacks something approachable and that is precisely what is happening in these movements.

While there are differing explanations as to why to bow to the left and right, they include bowing not only toward God but toward God’s entourage, and toward those people on either side of you.

Regarding moving backward and forward, the idea is to move forward into God’s presence when we begin the main section of our prayers, in rising for T’filah. Because synagogues have pews or rows of chairs, taking three steps forward is impossible and so one takes three small steps backwards in order to take three steps forward. While God is everywhere, I find that engaging my body in this ritual propels me further into God’s presence. Paralleling this, at the end of the service, which is after the Mourner’s Kaddish, one takes three steps backwards, ready to step physically and spiritually into the hustle and bustle of daily life.

Our prayers are filled with a lot of choreography including standing, closing our eyes, opening our hand (Ashrei), going up on tip toes (K’dushah), and bending our knees and bowing during Aleinu, in deference to God who is great, and gave us a unique destiny.

If these movements have not been a part of your prayer experience, I invite you to try them to see if they are meaningful.


2020 November

In regular school, my son was asked when the beginning of the calendar is. When he answered “Rosh HaShanah,” he was told he was wrong. Was he wrong?

Response: With apologies in advance: yes and no. (Isn’t that always the answer to a Jewish question?)

Rosh HaShanah is one of four Jewish new years, each judging something different. The Rosh HaShanah we think of is the first day of the seventh month when human beings are called to judgment. The first day of the first month of Nisan occurs in the Spring, 14 days before Passover.

In terms of the calendar and when it began, the year zero would be 5781 years ago when God created the world. That too needs explanation as we believe in evolution. Approximately 5781 years ago was when humankind moved from a nomadic society to an agrarian one and they began to mark the passage of time. Whether you are comfortable calling Rosh HaShanah a celebration of the birthday of the world, it is certainly a new beginning.


2020 October

Do the numbers 3 and 7 have special meaning during shiva?

Response: Yes they do (and beyond shiva). Both are considered mystical numbers of wholeness and completion. Shiva translates as “seven” and the full week is the length of time during which mourners traditionally focus only on mourning and do not attend work or school, do not engage in entertainment, or leave home other than for Shabbat worship. Members of the extended family, friends, neighbors, and colleagues come to their home to offer consolation and bring food as well as participate in the shiva minyanim which are prayer services with an additional focus on mourning.

The number three shows up in the Talmud regarding shiva in that if, due to economic circumstances, the mourner cannot stay home for seven days, he/she may return to work after three days.

Note that the reasoning is not emotional; it is practical. I believe that it is a misperception that getting back to work and routines helps one’s mourning process. If not in the short run, in the long run, it is detrimental to the emotional well-being of the mourner. The wisdom of our tradition has withstood time, place and even technology and personally, I found it very healing.


2020 September

Why do we wear white kippot on the High Holy Days?

Response: The idea of wearing white–be it a kippah, a suit, dress, or the traditional linen kittel, including the Torah covers, symbolizes a time to begin again. One could wear a white kippah at any time of the year, but it is most seasonal to wear one for the High Holy Days. If you need to borrow a kippah or tallit, please contact Beverly.


2020 August

Question: What is the origin of the tallit you wear to conduct services?
And what about it makes it the perfect tallit for you?

Response: Over 20 years ago, my best friend Cantor Margot Goldberg, gave me the tallit that I most often wear. She had purchased one for herself and one for me. I have other tallitot and occasionally wear them, most notably the one from Women of the Wall which names each of the foremothers in each corner (Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, Leah) and which supports their work of equality at the Kotel. Though my lace tallit is not weighty and large, I feel embraced by it, just as the blessing concludes, “to wrap oneself in fringes.” I also feel that it is a statement of feminism. When Ron and I were ordained in 1994, I was one of the first 100 female rabbis in our movement–and there were relatively few others in other movements. As I teach non-Jewish visitors about tallitot and show a traditional one, I describe my own as “girlie.” That women traditionally did not wear tallitot–or, for that matter in the congregation in which I grew up no one did, I feel, by wearing this tallit, that I am making a statement of the power of being a woman and a Jew.


2020 July

Question: How will Temple be different when we get back into the building?

Response: Beyond the protocols for social distancing, I believe that we will use the lessons learned while we are together online. For example, worship and classes will simultaneously be in-person and online since for some people coming to Temple is difficult under regular circumstances due to issues with driving at night and health concerns. Secondly, staying connected must be brought forward and I hope the phone chains enacted by the Caring Community Communications group will continue. Beyond that, we will have to see, realizing that a new normal may take time to develop.


2020 June

We emphasize Counting the Omer, what else do we count that is so significant?

Response: The first thing that comes to mind is at the end of seder when we sing or say Who Knows One? It is like a mini Basic Judaism Course. We also count 10 people for a minyan so that certain prayers can be said and we count 613 commandments. In the Book of Numbers, which we are now reading, a census of army-aged males is counted and that is a good reminder that everyone should fill out their US Census!


2020 May

Question: Do you study the ultra-Orthodox community during rabbinic school?

Response: This question came at this time of quarantine when the asker recommended that I watch UnOrthodox on Netflix (which I have not yet watched but hope to). The five years of study to become a Reform rabbi do not specifically include studying the ultra-Orthodox community but include two related topics: the history of Judaism, including how there were no movements until Reform Judaism came into being in late 18th century Germany. The response was the formation of the other movements. The second related topic is the study of the mitzvot (commandments in the Torah) and subsequent development of halacha (Jewish law) created by rabbis, and how the different movements, and individuals within those movements, believe their adherents should follow them.


2020 April

Question: What have you been doing while on your sabbatical?

Response: We have had the opportunity to travel quite a bit to see our children, mothers, and other family and friends, and to experience traditional and creative worship services. I have audited two classes at Pitt as well as taught two Osher classes through Pitt and CMU–so I have spent a lot of time in Oakland. I have met with spiritual advisors, have read a good amount, and enjoyed weeknights out at cultural events. I will tell you more as I return. Thank you for this remarkable opportunity to rest and refuel. I am ready to return and full of ideas and energy!


 

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